“Words will NEVER Hurt Me” (Paperback)

Helping Kids Handle Teasing, Bullying, and Putdowns

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

But WORDS will NEVER Hurt Me

Witnessing someone being bullied or getting bullied yourself just sucks. There is no other way to put it. It is uncomfortable, it is not funny and I have no idea why someone would laugh when someone is upset by someone’s words. Things are funny to me when everyone is ‘in’ on the joke, but teasing, bullying and taunting seem to go on everywhere and learning to cope with the people and situations is just as important to kids as learning to know when to take joking too far. Love and Logic has a new book by Sally Ogden called Words Will Never Hurt Me about how to help kids learn how to handle teasing and putdowns.

Yes, words do matter and do affect us – so how can we teach our kids that words do not have to hurt when something is said that upsets them?

Well, I happen to like the Love and Logic approach’s answer to this question.  It’s a one-two punch answer of children developing great social skills on top of learning how to reflect and be calm when handling negative emotions.  Okay, yes, that is easier said than done for all of us, I know.

So, HOW do you do actually do that?

Well, here are some quick tips from the book:

• Teach kids that bullies get their power from our negative emotions. The more upset we get when picked on, the more powerful mean kids feel.
• Show your child how to trick bullies by pretending to be calm. If our children can learn to act calm when bullies hassle them, they become far less attractive targets.
• Teach your child to confuse or bewilder bullies by responding to verbal taunts with replies like, “Thanks for noticing” or “I appreciate the feedback.”
• Help your child develop great social skills so that they are liked, accepted, and protected by positive peers. Kids who don’t know how to relate in healthy ways often find themselves gravitating toward peers who treat them poorly.

In Ogden’s book, her focus is giving children techniques to help them feel empowered and relaxed if they are in a situation where they feel bullied.  Bullies tend to target children that allow them to feel powerful, so the thought is that by applying these concepts, the child getting bullied will feel in control of their reactions and not become a future target.  I like how the importance of communication is emphasized in this book.  It is noted that children who can relate in healthy ways are the ones who are the least likely to gravitate to peers who treat them poorly.  Sure, we don’t want our kids to be picked on, but we also don’t want our kids to be the ones following and/or being the bully!

Words affect us, so let’s use them for good and turn around the negative to the positive.   

The chapters on Leveling and Translating are wonderful guides to help parents give kids scenarios to help them relate to situations where they may feel vulnerable and each chapter includes role play.  There are many chapters that deal specifically with guidance on effective responses and approaching change with your children in order to help them feel empowered.  Wonderful guide for parents and educators.

Parents – As always, keep an open communication with your child.  If your child does not feel able to handle social situations on their own, you want them to be able to talk to you about it.  Always check in and talk to them about issues with peers especially if something seems to be upsetting your child.

“Words will NEVER Hurt Me” (Paperback)
www.loveandlogic.com
List Price: $ 17.95