Guest Post Q&A with Clete Bulach– Leading Authority on Educational Policy, Reform and Global Competitiveness and Author of “Creating a Culture for High Performing Schools: A Comprehensive Approach to School Reform and Dropout Prevention”
Dr. Clete Bulach, CEO
Professional Development and Assessment Center
Villa Rica, GA 30180
Website: www.westga.edu/~cbulach
If you are parents to minors, you are probably preparing for, or in the beginning few days of, your kids going back to school. Most kids will be happy to see their friends but some are dreading the end of summer because it means they will have to face bullying. Did you know that bullying can start very early and can even be seen among kids who are still in pre-k? I had an opportunity to do a Q&A with Dr. Clete Bulach, CEO of the Professional Development and Assessment Center and Author of “Creating a Culture for High Performing Schools: A Comprehensive Approach to School Reform and Dropout Prevention” about the topic of bullying. Bullying can have long-term consequences but the earlier children learn to respond to it the less likely it is to have long-term consequences.
Here is a quick rundown of the Questions with his Responses below to questions about bullying behavior:
- How can kids and parents effectively deal with bullying?
- How effective are bullying prevention programs?
- What are the behavioral signs that your child is a bully?
- What are the behavioral signs that your child is being bullied?
- How can parents be proactive in bullying prevention at their child’s school?
- How can kids and parents effectively deal with bullying?
How can kids and parents effectively deal with bullying?
All kids, including adults, have five basic needs. Those needs are the following: life, caring, control, purpose, and happiness. This is the order in which these needs tend to be met. For example, a baby is born, cared for, learns to cry to get what it wants (control), becomes purposeful, and happiness comes and goes. Central to these five needs is control. Without control, a person can’t achieve their purpose in life and happiness is elusive.
When it comes to bullying, control is the need that is being met by the bully. It is the need that is taken away from the victim. The bully, for some reason, has a high need to get his/her control needs met. That need is being met by the bullying behavior. In order for that need to be met, the bully must have a victim. The victim normally has very few friends or is someone we call an “isolate.” The victim may also be small in stature or have some habits “tics” that other students tend to make fun of. If the victim does not allow the bully to control them, the bully will find another victim.
As a high school senior I was five foot four inches tall and weighed 125 pounds. I was a farm boy from another town and had few friends and transferred to a new school as a junior. I was often a target until I found a way to control the bully. I took them on verbally by taunting them with comments like “What’s the matter big boy! Can’t you find somebody smaller to pick on?” Are you afraid to pick on somebody your own size?” As a last resort, I would say “C’mon hit me! Hit me! I want to report this to the principal so you will get expelled. C’mon hit me!” This was my way of taking control away from the bully. Strangely enough, the bully never did hit me. My plan if the bully hit me was to fall down and curl into a ball and show no resistance or fight. In that case only the bully would get disciplined.
Parents should try to make sure that their student has friends. Bullies do not pick on kids who have a lot of friends because the friends will not let the bully control the kid. Parents should find out what kind of friends their child has. Invite them to a “sleep over” a birthday party or some other event where you can find out what kind of friends their child has.
What are the behavioral signs that your child is being bullied?
If a parent’s child has few or no friends, that is one sign that s/he is a potential victim of bullying behavior. Other signs are not wanting to go to school by complaining of stomach aches, headaches, or some other ailment. Not eating or not sleeping properly are other signs. Keep in mind that one of life’s basic needs is control. The victim of bullying also has control needs, and that need must be met in some way. The victim can get that need met by joining a gang. Taking drugs or drinking alcohol can give the victim the feeling of control. Taking a gun to school to shoot the bullies is another alternative. Typically, the victim of bullying behavior is bullied by more than one person. As a last resort, the victim can take control by committing suicide.
What are the behavioral signs that your child is a bully?
It has been stated that a bully is often the victim of over controlling parents. Keep in mind that a person’s need for control must be met. It a kid’s control needs are not being met at home, they will be met elsewhere, such as at school by bullying other students. If control is such an important need for parents and children, how do you give control to your children without giving it up? The goal is to get children to control their own behavior. When that does not happen, parents have to intervene and take back control. Too much control though is a mistake! The secret to successful parenting is to give control without giving it up. We want our children to make good decisions and be responsible. We don’t want them to remain dependent on their parents. At some point we want them to be independent and capable of making their own decisions.
An example of a controlling parent would be one who lays out their child’s school clothing. A non-controlling parent would let the child choose their own clothing and would give their advice if they did not like the child’s selection. Another example would be a teenager going out on a date: A controlling parent would say “Now remember, you need to be home by midnight!” A non-controlling parent would say “When do you plan to be home tonight?” The non-controlling parent would expect the teenager to say “I know the rules; I’ll be home by midnight!” If the teenager did not give an appropriate response, the parent would take back control and tell them when to be home.
How effective are bullying prevention programs?
The most effective program is the Bully Free program by Dr. Allan Beane. Here is his website: https://www.bullyfree.com/about-us/dr-beane. I have been the external evaluator of that program for the past five years. There is a survey that can be used by schools to find out how prevalent bullying behavior is at their school. The survey is free and can be viewed on my website at www.westga.edu/~cbulach.
Pre- and post-analysis of Dr. Beane’s program always shows a decrease in bullying behavior after implementation of his bullying prevention program.
How can parents be proactive in bullying prevention at their child’s school?
So far I have written about the control needs of the bully and the victim. The need for a person/kid to have life (feel safe), be happy or have moments of happiness are also critical needs. There are two other basic needs for your child(ren) to be successful at school and in life. They need to have a purpose in their life and they need to know that they are cared for. Having some control in your life means nothing if your life does not have a purpose. Approximately 50% of children go to school without a purpose. This results in a lack of motivation and low test scores. Try to get your child to pick out what they want to do with their life. It does not matter that their goal may change in a year or two. If they can’t focus on a goal, ask them to identify a person or role model they like. An alternative is just to get good grades. As grandparents, we give all of our grand kids $10.00 for every A and $5.00 for every B. One of our grand kids was a real slacker, and when she found out she could get $50.00 every three months, she became a much different student.
The last of the five basic needs is for your child to know that you care about them. The easiest way to show your kids that you care is to “listen” to them. When you give your child undivided attention and listen to them you are showing them that you care. There are many other ways as well: Go jogging with them, attend their games and functions, tuck them in bed, etc. There is a difference between loving them and caring about them. Love is more of a feeling. It can’t always be seen, but it could be there. Caring behaviors can be seen and they are also felt.
There will be times when you have to discipline/control your child. Depending on how that is done could cause your child to believe that you don’t care about them. It is important to focus on the behavior that needs to change rather than the child. You do not want your child to feel that you are angry with them. It is the behavior and not the child that is the problem. A typical discipline situation could go like this: “I care about you and love you, but (identify the behavior that needs correcting) has to change.” End the discipline by asking: “What can you do about that?” Remember to give control without giving it up.
Being a parent is one of the most challenging experiences for anyone because of the problems children create. On the other hand, being a parent is also one of life’s greatest accomplishments. When I was a school superintendent, I used to write a congratulatory letter to teachers who had a baby. I always wrote “May the problems they cause you be exceeded by the joys they bring you!” I know all of you want to be good parents and want your child(ren) to be successful. Do your best to meet their five basic needs, and “give control without giving it up!” This is very important because the four other needs are difficult to get if a person does not have some form of control. If your child’s five basic needs are being met, they will not be a victim of bullying behavior.
Meet Clete Bulach
* Experienced (40+ years) in Public Education
* Doctoral Degree in Social Psychology and Leadership
* Experience in all phases of the Classroom, Principalship and Superintendency
* Certified Professor in Educational Leadership
* Leading Authority on Educational Policy, Reform and Global Competitiveness
* Researching how leaders interact with groups has been Dr. Bulach’s research emphasis producing many publications on the world of education.
* The second edition of his book is, Creating a Culture for High Performing Schools: A Comprehensive Approach to School Reform, Dropout Prevention, and Bullying Behavior
https://rowman.com/rleducation
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